Zelda Interviews, the Show!
by Dekustar the Mad Author
Summary: I know, this has been way way over done, but i'll try to make it good ok? This is interviews with Zelda characters! Bashing for all characters, no discrimination, so beware! please r+r! CHAPTER 20 UP!!! HOLY COWS!!!
1. chapter 1Link!

Hi, I'm back! Thought you could get rid of me, huh? Well, didja. never mind, my brain isn't functioning anymore. Well, this is another side dish, but I'm going back to my main story later! (please read it, it's called Travel to Hyrule!) well, hope you like this, even if many other people have done it!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ZELDA OR ANYTHING ZELDA RELATED!!!! *sniff*  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
by the something else author, Dekustar!!!  
  
Hello, everyone! My name is Dekustar, and I will be you're host today for interviewing various characters from the popular game, Zelda! Our first guest is the one and only *screams of teenage girls* LINK, HERO OF TIME!!!!! *Link comes running onto stage and starts doing laps*  
  
Dekustar: Hello Link, and welcome. Please, have a seat.  
  
Link (panting): thanks, I think I'll just do some more laps. Man, I've gotta stop eating coffee beans for breakfast! *starts running laps again*  
  
Ds: allllllrighty then. Well, Link, if you don't mind, could we ask you some questions?  
  
Link: ok, what are they?  
  
Ds: First question- what are your thoughts and feelings toward Zelda, Princess of Destiny?  
  
Link:.... Who?  
  
Ds: you know, Zelda? The princess who you helped on your quest?  
  
Link: ooooooooo yeah, her. She's nice I guess. Kinda weird though.  
  
Ds:.oook. Next. How do you feel about Ganondorf, King of Evil?  
  
Link: he makes good brownies.  
  
Ds: huh??  
  
Link: I said he makes good brownies. Want one? *pulls out an unidentified brown piece of something from his pocket*  
  
Ds: I think this ends this interview. Go away. I need an aspirin.  
  
Link: cool, bye. *runs off stage*  
  
Ds: Ok. Well, lets hope that next episode will be better, because next week we have as our guest none other but Ganondorf, the king of Evil!  
  
*ominous crack of thunder and spooky laugh*  
  
  
  
Well, ok, I'll admit it, that sucked. The next chapter will be much much much better, I promise. Please r+r!! 


	2. chapter 2 Ganondorfolat!

I'm back, and as promised, the much much better chapter 2! Please enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: unless something has changed since last I checked, I do not own Zelda, so ha! Can't sue me!  
  
****Zelda Interviews, the Show!****  
  
by the author here for her and your amusement, Dekustar! *sound of crickets* fine, don't like me, see if I care.  
  
  
  
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to this week's episode of Zelda Interviews! This week's guest is the evil King of Darkness, Ganondorf!! *ominous lightening and thunder*  
  
*Ganondorf walks onstage*  
  
Ds: Welcome, Ganondorf! *o.l.a.t*  
  
Ganondorf: Hello, Dekustar.  
  
Ds: We would like to ask you some questions.  
  
G-dorf: Allright.  
  
Ds: Ok, what are your thoughts on Link, the hero of time?  
  
G-dorf: Annoying little pest. I shall squish him like so many bugs when we meet in combat!!!  
  
Ds: didn't you already battle? And didn't he whoop your butt?  
  
G-dorf: LIES, ALL LIES!!!! Whoever told you that is a filthy liar.  
  
Ds: We have video footage of you getting whooped.  
  
G-dorf: are you insulting me??? Eat lightening!! *shoots lightening from his hands and hits 1st cameraman*  
  
(sound effects) SIZZLE!!!  
  
Ds: please don't so that, it's bad publicity.  
  
G-dorf: then don't insult me again. Next question.  
  
Ds: What are your thoughts on the fish people, known commonly as Zoras, whom you imprisoned under a layer of ice?  
  
G-dorf: Sushi!!!  
  
Ds:... next question. What do you think of the Gorons?  
  
G-dorf: Well, I'll say this. There's a reason that "goron" rhymes with "moron".  
  
Ds: Are you saying the gorons are a bunch of idiots?  
  
G-dorf: Yes.  
  
Ds: ok. Next question. How did it feel to be beaten up by Link?  
  
G-dorf: I told you, it never happened!!! *shoots lightening at 2nd cameraman*  
  
Ds: I told you not to do that, cameramen aren't cheep you know!!!  
  
G-dorf: No matter, next question.  
  
Ds: This our last question. Some people have been calling you, Ganondorf *o.l.a.t.* a fairy. What are your comments on that?  
  
G-dorf: Why would they be calling me a fairy? As a species, they are small and pink, where I am big and not pink.  
  
Ds: Do you know what I'm talking about?  
  
G-dorf: Not really, unless you're talking about what you might be. Hmm, your last camera man is kind of cute. By the way, when do we start filming?  
  
Ds:.........  
  
  
  
I know I stole this idea from someone, but it's time to cast a vote!  
  
What do you think of this story so far:  
  
1. YAY!! I LUV IT KEEP WRITING!!!  
  
2. It's pretty good, lol!!!  
  
3. I really don't care  
  
4. I can most certainly live without it  
  
5. I HATE IT AND YOU, DIE B**** DIE!!!!  
  
Please r+r!!! 


	3. chapter 3Malon!

Thought you could keep me away, huh? Well, despite the lack of reviews, I'm here to stay bay-bee, just to torture you! BWA HA HA HA!!! Well, here's chapter 3, MALON!! For all you who cannot stand to see the best characters get bashed, this ain't fer yew so git out. Sorry, I'm channeling again. Anyway, like I said, I discriminate for no one. EVERYONE MUST BE INSULTED!!!!!!! Now, with that pleasant note, on with the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Meanies.  
  
****Zelda Interviews, The Show!!!****  
  
by the author no one loves: Dekustar!!!  
  
  
  
Ladies and germs, welcome to this week's episode of Zelda Interviews! Our guest tonight- she may not be royalty, but she's one heckuva ranch girl, MALON!!! *lots of applause*  
  
*Malon comes onstage wearing a dirty dress with things I won't mention on it*  
  
Ds: Welcome, Malon..Malon.  
  
Malon: I gots a last name. It's *some kid in the audience starts crying really loudly*  
  
Ds: Really? Who'd expect you to have a last name like that. Anyway, may I ask you a few questions?  
  
Malon: sure, whatever. *spits onto the carpet*  
  
Ds: Um, could you please not do that? We just spent all our funds getting new cameramen.  
  
Malon: yer life.  
  
Ds: Anyway, first question. What are you thoughts and comments on Link, the hero of time?  
  
Malon: That scrawny little fairy boy? Lessee now, idn't he the one who stole my best horse?  
  
Ds: Huh? Didn't you give Epona to him?  
  
Malon: Give? Heck no. That liddle sunavagun stole that horse right from under Ingo's nose. You can be sure he din't get no supper that night.  
  
Ds: But wasn't Ingo beating you?  
  
Malon: What in the name of horse manure are yew talkin about? That liddle scrawny piece of dung beat me? I'd lay him flat in a second. *Flexes muscles*  
  
Ds: Er, quite. Next question. What do you think of Ganondorf, the evil king of darkness *o.l.a.t.*?  
  
Malon: Who?  
  
Ds: The evil guy who almost took over your ranch? He captured Princess Zelda? He's evil?  
  
Malon: Ohhh, him. Yea I know him. Him and me play poker every other weekend. Hey-he still owes me 50 rupees. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go collect my dues. *walks offstage rolling up sleeves.*  
  
Ds: Ummm. ok. Well, tune in next week, for Zelda, Princess of Destiny!!!  
  
*some applause*  
  
  
  
so, whaja think? Huh? Good bad horrible go far far away while you still have a chance? Please review! 


	4. chapter4Zelda!

Howdy do, my little readerettes. Don't ask. It is Christmas Eve, people are drinking eggnog, things are getting festive-yes, that's right. It is time for the next chapter of *ominous music* ZELDA INTERVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bum bum bum!!! And here is you're host, fresh from god-knows-where, is Dekustar!!! *silence* oh, go teach you're grandmother to suck eggnog. Ba dum bum, chshsh! Never mind.  
  
Disclaimer: it's Christmas, so I'm not going to lie and say I own Zelda. Sigh.  
  
A/n: this is a warning, and I do not want anyone to take offense for this chapter, I am not trying to insult or offend anyone, I'm just here to try and make people laugh, so please no flames or anything.  
  
And now, the what you've all been waiting for, the show that no one likes and that's why we put it here, the fox-reject,  
  
****Zelda Interviews, The Show!****  
  
With you're host, Dekustar!! And this week's episode, we have the little ray of wisdom, the seventh sage, the one, the only, Princess Zelda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *smatterings of applause* *a girl wearing a lab coat and reeeaaaaally big dorky glasses walks onstage*  
  
Ds: I'm sorry, are you lost?  
  
g.w.a.l.c.a.r.b.d.g.: No.  
  
Ds: You're not..you can't be.are you Zelda?  
  
g.w.a.l.c.a.r.b.d.g.: No, of course not. I'm her maid. She sent me onstage to remind you all that the three goddesses are our saviors and we do not appreciate them enough. Only then will she come onto this holy stage.  
  
Ds: oh no. I mean, sure, ok, bring her on.  
  
g.w.a.l.c.a.r.b.d.g: all right, I will notify her. *walks offstage, then another girl comes out wearing a "what would the goddesses do?" shirt and a big necklace with the Triforce symbol on it*  
  
Ds: dear goddesses.  
  
Zelda: exactly! That is my point! They are dear and we should respect and love and worship them!  
  
Ds: that's not really what I-  
  
Zelda: the three golden goddesses of wisdom courage and power created this good earth for us, and what thanks do they get? Hardly any! Well, except for the season of thanking, the multiple temples, the dozens of worshippers, and a bunch of stuff devoted to them? I ask you, would you be satisfied?  
  
Ds: That's not really why we're here-  
  
Zelda: Yes it is! If not for the goddesses, you wouldn't be alive!  
  
Ds: No, no, I mean that's not why we're here today-  
  
Zelda: of course it is! Pray to the goddesses and beg for their forgiveness! Pray to ask them to forgive you for your insolence!  
  
Ds: No, I meant here on the show!  
  
Zelda:.....oh. Well, it should be.  
  
Ds: good, that can be your lifelong dream, to start a show devoted to the goddesses, but in the meantime, would you please have a seat?  
  
Zelda: All right. *sits down across from Ds*  
  
Ds: Now, Zelda, may I ask you a few questions?  
  
Zelda: Before you do, may I read something from the book of goddesses?  
  
Ds: Fine. Whatever. I don't care what my ratings are.  
  
Zelda: good. *takes out enormous book from somewhere*  
  
Ds: no, wait, I was being sarcastic-  
  
Zelda (from book): .and the goddesses looked down upon this red earth, and they hath said, let there be life, and lo, there was a single creature on the ground, and they looked at it, and it said "I am Hylian!" and lo, the race of Hylians was born,-  
  
Ds: That's it, don't I get any special talk show host powers?  
  
Director: I don't think so, maybe I do. *pulls out remote control* Let's see, mute, mute, ah! Here it is! *click*  
  
*everything goes dark*  
  
Ds: You fool! That was the power button!  
  
Director: Oops.  
  
  
  
Well, what did you think, and please, like I said, don't be offended, I didn't mean to offend anyone if did. Please don't take down my fic or be mean or hurt me. Anyway, please I need help! Next chapter is Nabooru, and how should I make her? Please review, or you get an even crappier chapter! And by the way, Happy Holidays whatever they are! 


	5. chapter 5Nabooru!

HELLLLLLOOOOO EEVVVERYBOOOODDDYYYYYY!!!!!!! I am BACK! To torture you with the next chapter. This will suck, by the way. Well, here's Nabooru, and she will be messed up, because look at the author of this fic, but I'm evil and will make you suffer through it.  
  
Disclaimer: Monkeys ate my grandmother. I mean, I don't own Zelda.  
  
And now, ladies and germs, gals and ghouls, evil fire breathing death monkeys and stuff from the bottom of your shoe, here is this week's episode of...  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
And your host, Dekustar! *crickets*  
  
Ds: RELEASE THE CRICKET POISON!!!!!  
  
Crickets: cough cough cough  
  
Ds: Hello, everyone! Welcome to Zelda Interviews, the show! This week's guest is the sage of spirit, Nabooru!  
  
*Nabooru walks onstage*  
  
Ds: Welcome Nabooru!  
  
Nabooru: Hi Mrs. Talk Show Host Lady!  
  
Ds: ummmm....call me Dekustar.  
  
Nabooru: Okay Dekustar!  
  
Ds: And I thought this one would be normal..  
  
Nabooru: Huh?  
  
Ds: Never mind. Do you mind if I asked you a few questions?  
  
Nabooru: Ok! *starts sucking her thumb*  
  
Ds: Ummm. whatever. What is your opinion of Link?  
  
Nabooru: *giggles* He's silly!  
  
Ds: Reeeeeeaaaaaallly. Next question. What do you do when you aren't stealing or whatever Gerudo Thieves do?  
  
Nabooru: It's wrong to steal!  
  
Ds: Yeah..well, what do you like to do with your free time?  
  
Nabooru: I like to watch Barney!!!!!!! *starts dancing around singing songs from Barney*  
  
Ds: Oh no...  
  
Nabooru: I also like to practice my abc's! *starts singing the abc song*  
  
Ds: I am this close to quitting. Next week will be Ruto, and I really really hope that she will be at least semi normal.  
  
I told you it would suck. Please r+r! 


	6. chapter 6Ruto!

Hello! Hi! Hola! Aloha! And more crap like that. Well, you wanted it, you get it! Here is chapter 6 of Zelda Interviews! Bum bum bum! I hope you enjoy! Why do I always end sentences in exclamation points! Oh well on with the fic!  
  
Disclaimer!: I don't own Zelda, so neener neener neener can't sue me!  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
With your host, Dekustar! *someone coughing can be heard over crickets* Well, if you don't think it's good, why are you here???  
  
Some random guy in the audience: We do like the show, but Ruto paid us not to clap.  
  
Dekustar: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? *Ruto walks onstage*  
  
Ruto: Hey everyone! *wild clapping and chants of 'Ruto, Ruto!' can be heard*  
  
Dekustar: Where do you get enough money to pay everyone to do that?  
  
Ruto: Well, I am a princess.  
  
Ds: Umm. right.. well anyway, can I ask you some questions?  
  
Ruto: Sure. *sits down*  
  
Ds: oooooooook. Well, since its what you're mainly accused of, why do you like Link so much?  
  
Ruto: Link? Link who? Do I even know a Link?  
  
Ds: What? You're obsessed with the guy! You either are or were engaged to him!!!!  
  
Ruto: I get engaged to a lot of people, but I'm not gay!  
  
Ds: WHAT?????  
  
Ruto: I wouldn't go out with another guy!  
  
Ds: You're a guy?!?!?!?!?  
  
Ruto: Well, yeah! I have been all my life!  
  
Ds: But.but.you're a princess!  
  
Ruto: Yeah, so? Princesses are always guys!  
  
Ds: No they're not! Princesses are girls and princes are guys!  
  
Ruto: Oh yeah, I forgot. You see, for Zora People's royalty, King's are men, Queens are women, Princesses are guys and Prince's are girls.  
  
Ds: Umm..thanks for clearing that up.I think.  
  
Ruto: Do you have any more questions, or can I go? I've got a date with a foxy prince.  
  
Ds: Umm.sure.okay.whatever.*Ruto walks offstage*  
  
Ds: Umm..okay.next week is Darunia..and I really hope he's really a guy..  
  
  
  
Don't ask, I just needed a weird twist to meet the demands of all you fans out there. And by the way, Happy New Years!! 


	7. chapter 7Darunia!

Heellllllooooo! I is here to STAY! Maybe. I dunno. But I'M ON A SUGAR RUSH!!!!!!! And so I thought, what would be a good thing to do while I am on this rush? Then it hit me-TO TORTURE YOU FURTHER WITH PERHAPS MULTIPLE INCREASINGS OF CHAPTER NUMBERS!!!!!!! Or something along those lines. Well, enough talkelating, more writealating! Here's chapter 7!  
  
Disclaimer: I own Dekustar. You may use any of the character traits I've come up with. Nothing else is mine since I live inside a cardboard box with this computer I constructed out of non-recyclable cans.  
  
  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
the show!  
  
With your host, Dekustar! *Dekustar walks onstage with a groan* not this again.  
  
Ds: Well, here's today's guest, Darunia, king of the gorons. *big boulder onstage turns into Darunia*  
  
Ds: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Darunia: Hi!  
  
Ds: Well, it's this or therapy in a padded room...  
  
Darunia: Did you know I'm a huge star trek fan?  
  
Ds: I think I'll op for the room..  
  
Director: Oh no you don't, we have another year's contract!  
  
Ds: Spammit..  
  
Darunia: That reminds me of an episode of star trek where..*2 hours later*......and then the Captain said, that's no worm hole, that's my wife! Ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Ds: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....  
  
Darunia: Hey, are you awake? Heeelllllllooooo?  
  
Ds: Just five more minutes ma..  
  
Darunia: HEY!!!  
  
Ds: Navi? But your next week!  
  
Darunia: Ah HEM!!!  
  
Ds: Oh.sorry.do you mind if I ask you a few questions as soon as I make them up?  
  
Darunia: Sure.  
  
Ds: Ok....um....what do you think of the King of Hyrule?  
  
Darunia: He sucks. He likes star wars, not star trek.  
  
Ds: Um..right..okay..how about, how come you have a son with no mention of a wife?  
  
Darunia: I have a wife. We got married in Las Vegas. Now there was a drunken mistake! You see, I was at a star trek convention, and I saw the prettiest Zora you ever did see..  
  
Ds: Your wife was a Zora????  
  
Darunia: I'm not there yet! Well, I realized I was hitting on a water fountain since I'd had a bit too much Romulin Ale, and then I fell in when my wife to be pulled me out from drowning.  
  
Ds: What a...romantic..story.  
  
Darunia: Isn't it? That reminds me of another star trek episode....  
  
Ds: Ugh. save yourselves, while you can. Next week is...God...the three fairies. I'm going to call the insane asylum in advance...  
  
  
  
So, what did you think? Review please, but don't expect another chapter unless you both review and give me ideas, I'm all out. 


	8. chapter 8The Fairies!

Hey! Back! Don't have anything funny to say, except MONKEYS!!!!!!! And I'm done. Btw, I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but for some unknown reason fanfiction wouldn't let me update my stories.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Zelda when I get it for Christmas/Birthday/whatever. Not until then.  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
With your host, Dekustar!!!  
  
Ds: Who says that stuff?  
  
Voice who announces stuff: We do!!!  
  
Ds: Oh no, that means…  
  
v.w.a.s: YUP! We're HERE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Tatl, Tael, and Navi fly in*  
  
Ds: How I'll cope with three I don't know.  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK UP!  
  
Tatl: Shut up Navi! You are so Ocarina Of Time!  
  
Tael: You tell her sis!  
  
Ds: If you'll please sit down…  
  
Tael: I think I'm gonna clap! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!  
  
Ds: Please stop…  
  
Navi: Shut up Tael!  
  
Tatl: Don't you talk to my brother that way!  
  
Navi: You're not even related!  
  
Tael: Who told you that?!?!?!?!?  
  
Navi: You did.  
  
Tatl: Oh yeah…  
  
Ds: If you'll please sit down….  
  
Tael: You know what would be fun? IF WE ATE A LOT OF GRAPES!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Yeah, that would be fun! Hey, here's a bowl!  
  
Tatl: Yummy!  
  
Ds: Those aren't real grapes…  
  
Tatl: Eew! These taste like wax!  
  
Navi: Let's throw them at the audience!  
  
Tael + Tatl: YEAH!!!!  
  
Ds: SHUT UP ALL THREE OF YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!  
  
*all three ignore Dekustar*  
  
Navi: Yeah! I got that old lady right in the eye!  
  
Tatl: I got that old man right between the eyes!  
  
Tael: I hit a doggy!  
  
Ds: *takes huge bottle and crams all three into it*  
  
Navi: Hey! This isn't fair!  
  
Tatl: Yeah! We have 3 minutes left!  
  
Tael: I WANT MY MOMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!!!  
  
Ds: Ah…peace at last…and for next week, we have…*reads slip of paper* Airas? Who the heck is Airas?  
  
Director: you have it upside down!  
  
Ds: Oh, yes! Next week we have Saria! This should be a pleasant break….  
  
  
  
Yes, I know, that was horrible. I was out of ideas! Well anyway, please r+r! 


	9. chapter 9Saria!

Hello, it's me again Dekustar. I have the next and not last section of….ZELDA INTERVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!! This will be good, I have a lot for Saria. Well, not much else to say, but enjoy and please review! Flames aren't wanted, but if ya do flame me I know how to get revenge.  
  
Disclaimer: Never have, never will.  
  
And now ladies and germs, here's what you've all been dreading, the next episode of….  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
the show!  
  
And here's your host, fresh from her last trip to the nut house, the one, the only, DEKUSTAR!!!!!!!!  
  
Ds: Don't bother doing the "crickets" routine.  
  
Director: But we have a new clap soundtrack!  
  
Ds: Really? Cool! Roll it!  
  
Sound fx: CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP  
  
Ds: That's it? you have one person clapping?  
  
Director: You like?  
  
Ds: No I don't like it, I LOVE IT! I NOW KNOW WHAT APPLAUSE SOUNDS LIKE! *starts crying*  
  
Director: O.O Well, I guess it's up to me to announce SARIA!!  
  
*Saria walks onstage*  
  
Saria: Hi!  
  
Ds: Oh yes, this will be a welcome relief, Saria is the only sane one in the game.  
  
Director: Um, Deku, haven't we already proved several times over that things aren't always what they seem in the game?  
  
Ds: Quiet, you.  
  
Director: Ooooookay, whatever you say.  
  
Ds: Now, Saria, how are you today?  
  
Saria: I'm super! How are you?  
  
Ds: I'm good! Now, Saria, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?  
  
Saria: Not at all, but can I show you this picture I drew this morning?  
  
Ds: Um, sure!  
  
Saria: See, that's me, and that's Link!  
  
Ds: That's very nice! What are you two doing?  
  
Saria: Getting married!  
  
Ds: Um…good for you!  
  
Ds(thinking): CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP SHE'S JUST LIKE THE OTHERS CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP….  
  
Saria: I also drew a picture of Mr. Fluffy Bunny!  
  
Ds: He…he looks like a lion….  
  
Saria: No he doesn't! Don't say Mr. Fluffy Bunny is a lion! He's a fluffy big bunny!  
  
Ds: All right, but if you don't mind me asking you some questions….  
  
Saria: Ok!  
  
Ds: All right, how do you feel about being in one of the world's most popular game?  
  
Saria: What's the world?  
  
Ds: Jeez…well, it's what we all live on.  
  
Saria: But I live in a house!  
  
Ds: No, see, the world is really really big and your house is ON the world….  
  
Saria: My house is in the forest!  
  
Ds: I KNOW THAT!!! The forest is on the world!  
  
Saria: No, the forest is in Hyrule Field!  
  
Ds: THE FIELD IS ON THE WORLD!!!!!!  
  
Saria: No, it's in Hyrule! You're silly, not to know that!  
  
Ds: *faints anime style*  
  
Saria: *looks at watch* Oh no, I'm late!  
  
Ds: For what?  
  
Saria: My devil-worshipping cult meeting! Bye, nice meeting you! *runs out*  
  
Ds: O.O  
  
  
  
  
  
Off the wall? Insane? This calls for, dah dah dah DAH!! A POLL!!  
  
What do you think of this fic?  
  
1. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT  
  
2. It's pretty good!  
  
3. Whatever.  
  
4. It's okay, but I don't really like it.  
  
5. IT'S THE WORST THING I EVER HAD THE ILL FORTUNE TO READ! I SPIT ON YOUR FIC!  
  
Please r+r! 


	10. chapter 10Rauru!

I'm sorry I haven't written much on this in a while, but a certain web site wouldn't recognize this as a written document, so what are you gonna do? And lookey lookey, I'm in the double digits!! I never thought I'd get that far. Thought you could keep me away, didja? Huh? Well, tough potatoes I'm here to stay, so neener neener neener! Er…….I mean…….On with the fic! Please r+r!!!  
  
Disclaimer: What do you think?  
  
And-a now, the next episode of…  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
With your host, the one, the nutty, DEKUSTAR!!!  
  
Clap soundtrack: *one person clapping*  
  
Ds: I am never going to get used to that.  
  
Director: Um, Dekustar, we don't exactly have anyone else lined up…  
  
Ds: What? Why not?  
  
Director: Well, when the people from the clinic picked you up, we thought it was for good and didn't expect you to break out, at least not so soon…  
  
Ds: Humph. Well, isn't there anyone we can do?  
  
Director: Well, there's this weird guy outside who claims he's from the game…  
  
Ds: All right, bring him in.  
  
Director: All right…  
  
*Rauru comes running*  
  
Rauru: OOH, GRAPES!!!!  
  
Ds: Actually, those are wax-  
  
Rauru: Wha? *has a bunch of grapes in his mouth*  
  
Ds: Er…never mind…  
  
Rauru: Do you have any more food?  
  
Ds: No, sorry. But can I ask you some questions?  
  
Rauru: All right, but if I don't get food soon I'll get cranky…  
  
Ds: It's only until the show is over, or the audience walks out, which shouldn't take long.  
  
Rauru: All right.  
  
Ds: Okay, um, what is your position as Sage of Light like?  
  
Rauru: All right, I guess. The fridge in the Sacred Realm I had especially enchanted so that there's no shortage of food.  
  
Ds: Um…ok…next question. Do you know why that in the game, when Link wakes up as an adult, he has an earring with no sight of one before then?  
  
Rauru: They had a three piercing special, and I wanted my bellybutton and eyebrow pierced…  
  
Ds: Ew…wait a minute, you don't have an eyebrow piercing!  
  
Rauru: Well, it didn't work because my eyebrow was too big.  
  
Ds: Right…ok…  
  
Rauru: Man, I'm soooo hungry…can I go raid your fridge now?  
  
Ds: We have a fridge??  
  
Rauru: Yeah, I saw it on my way in.  
  
Ds: I didn't know that!!!  
  
Rauru: Yeah, whatever. Can I go now?  
  
Ds: Yeah, okay. By the way, for our loyal audience/reader *someone coughs and it strangely sounds like "yeah right"* next week is Impa! 


	11. chapter 11Impa!

I have too many stories going at once, I keep forgetting to update…well, enough about me. This week is Impa!!! Woo hoo. And by the way, I have an obligation to make all the Zelda characters messed up royally, so for those of you who wanted Impa normal…umm…well, I don't have a good finish for that, so I'll just say tough!  
  
Disclaimer: *Beep* if you're really dumb enough to think that I own Zelda, please call me at 1-800-geezyoumustbereallydumbtothinkiownzelda.com.  
  
And-a now, ladies and gents, the one, the only…  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
And here's your host, Dekustar!  
  
Director: Um, Dekustar, we're sorry but the clap-soundtrack is broken.  
  
Ds: Aw, shoot. Now I'm depressed. Who do we have today?  
  
Director: Uh, Impa, the Sage of Shadow.  
  
Audience: Ooooh!  
  
Ds: If I didn't know better, I'd say that you like our guests more than you like me!  
  
Impa: (in a ridiculously german accent) Of course zay do.  
  
Ds: Oh…hi…Impa…  
  
Impa: How are you doing?  
  
Ds: Uh…fine…thanks…  
  
Impa: I vent through a lot of trouble to get here. I hope eet ees vorth my trip?  
  
Ds: We'll try to make your stay here comfortable sir…I mean ma'am…  
  
Impa: Zat ees quite all right. Many people make that meestake for some reason.  
  
Ds: I can't imagine why…please sit down…  
  
Impa: Vhy sank you. I beelieve zat you haff some qvestions?  
  
Ds: Uh…yeah…questions…uh…what exactly did you do for Zelda as her nanny?  
  
Impa: Vhat ees thees…nanny? I vas her…educator.  
  
Ds: How…nice…uh, next question…how did you know that you had to teach Link Zelda's lullabye?  
  
Impa: I vas told to.  
  
Ds: By who?  
  
Impa: Zat eenformation comes at a terrible price. Do you really vant to know?  
  
Ds: no, no, that's okay…uh, next question…um…did you know Sheik?  
  
Impa: But of course, he vas my son.  
  
Ds: But you didn't have a husband…  
  
Impa: Are you suggesting zat I am improper??? You nasty nasty little girl, I shall have to teach you a lesson!  
  
Ds: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Director: I guess it's up to me to say the end credits…uh…next week is Skullkid!  
  
Ds (offscreen): AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOWWWWIIIIE I WANT MY MOMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!  
  
Director: That's GOTTA hurt….  
  
  
  
Short, weird, and I'm detecting a bit of too much randomness…oh well, please review! 


	12. Chapter 12Skullkid!

Sorry it took me so long to update, but here's Skullkid!  
  
Disclaimer: I live in a cardboard box. You do the math.  
  
And now, ladies and more ladies,  
  
Some random guy: Hey!  
  
Here's the next episode of…..  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
And here's your host, Pete!  
  
Dekustar: ah-HEM.  
  
I mean, Dekustar!  
  
Ds: Better. Uh, today we have…SKULLKID!!!!  
  
Wild cheering in the audience  
  
Skullkid walks onstage  
  
Skullkid: HI!!!!  
  
Ds: Ugh…hi Skullkid…  
  
Skullkid: I FEEL SO HONERED TO BE HERE! I MEAN, ALL MY FREINDS WERE ON HERE, AND NOW I AM, IT'S SOOOOO COOL!  
  
Ds: You actually LIKE being here?!?!?! What's wrong with you?!?!?  
  
Skullkid: LOTS OF THINGS.  
  
Ds: Apparently…first question. Why do you always talk in capitals?  
  
Skullkid: IT FITS MY UNIQUENESS.  
  
Ds: Okie…dokie…next question…uh…what do you like to do with your free time?  
  
Skullkid: DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW?  
  
Ds: I don't think so…  
  
Skullkid: DO YOU REALLY REALLY WANNA KNOW?  
  
Ds: I take it back, I really DO NOT want to know.  
  
Skullkid: DO YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA KNOW?  
  
Ds: NO!!!!  
  
Skullkid: OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU. I LIKE TO WORK ON MY BALLET!!!  
  
Ds: What?  
  
Skullkid: ::starts dancing around and doing splits, and the audience is applauding wildly::  
  
Ds: Oh goddesses…  
  
Skullkid: OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.  
  
Ds: Okay…what would you say if I said that you were more liked then Link by some people?  
  
Skullkid: I'M MORE LIKED THEN LINK? HA! TOLD YOU, FAIRY!!! ::runs up to a camera:: DID YOU HEAR ME, LINK??? I'M MORE POPULAR THEN YOU!!!! KISS MY *bleep* YOU *bleep*-ING *bleep bleep bleeeeep*  
  
Ds: Uh, security…  
  
Big guys come up and drag Skullkid away  
  
Ds: Hallelujah…who do we have next? Sheik? Oh crap…  
  
  
  
A/N- What do you think? I need ideas for people in my interviews, I can't think of anymore. Please review! 


	13. chapter 13Sheik! The superguy?

Hiyaz, ya'll! I'm back, obviously, and here's the next chapter of Zelda Interviews! Please r+r!  
  
Disclaimer: I own the guy next door, my cardboard box, some other crap, the world, but not Zelda. Got it?  
  
And-a now, the next episode of…  
  
****Zelda Interviews****  
  
And your host, Dekustar!  
  
Ds: I thought I was fired…  
  
Director: What?  
  
Ds: Didn't you fire me?  
  
Director: No…  
  
Ds: Oh yeah, that was my fleeting fantasy…  
  
Director: Well, here's your next person…Sheik!  
  
Sheik walks onstage  
  
Ds: Uh, hi…  
  
Sheik: Hello, tortured city citizen! Do not fear, Sheik the super-guy is here!  
  
Ds: ………………………  
  
Sheik: What are your questions?  
  
Ds: ………………………….uh, are you really Zelda, or did she just dress like you?  
  
Sheik: I am a totally different person! And a swinging bachelor! ::winks::  
  
Some hysterical girls in the audience: Sigh! ::one faints::  
  
Ds: ………………………..do I have to keep asking questions?  
  
Director: Unfortunately, yes.  
  
Ds: Uh…what do you do with your spare time?  
  
Sheik: I fight crime and the forces of evil!  
  
Ds: What would you say if I said you need a life more then my slippers do?  
  
Sheik: What? Your slippers are in peril? I must go rescue your slippers from perilous peril of the perilous perily edge of peril it's perilous self!  
  
Ds: ………………..  
  
Sheik: Sheik the Super-guy, away!!!  
  
Ds:…………………….  
  
  
  
I know, that was kinda short, but oh well. Guess what! I'm starting on the villains, Queen Gohma is next! 


	14. chapter 14Queen Gohma!

Hey hey kiddies! And other people! And bunny slippers! And mushrooms! And monkies! And orange potatoes! And-::some random guy slaps her:: OW!!  
  
Disclaimer: What if I did? Would you care? Would anyone notice? Would I have to be Japanese?  
  
And-a now, the next episode of…  
  
*****Zelda Interviews, The Show!****  
  
With your host, Dekustar!  
  
Audience: BOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dekustar: Hey! I'll have you know, SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The same random guy who always says this kinda thing: Oh yeah? Name one!  
  
Ds: Uhhhhhh…………………….  
  
T.S.R.G.W.A.S.T.K.T.: See? YOU SUCK!!!!!  
  
Ds: Then why are you here?  
  
T.S.R.G.W.A.S.T.K.T.: I don't know…  
  
Ds: Alrighty then, that's taken care of, now let's have our interview with…QUEEN GOHMA!!!!!  
  
Gohma walks onstage, wearing a huge pair of glasses and carrying a huge book  
  
Ds: Oh no, PLEASE not someone else like Zelda…  
  
Gohma: On the contrary, I believe that we developed from a primitive form of Gorons, although we are not actually related.  
  
Ds: Uh oh…  
  
Gohma: You know, I have studied this show thoroughly and have based a hypothesis that YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!!  
  
Ds: Wha?  
  
Gohma: YOU SHOULD EAT MONKIES AND DIE HORRIBLY YOU BLEEPING BLEEP!  
  
Ds: Now I'm scared, and how come you actually said bleep instead of making us sensor what you say?  
  
Gohma: Pardon me, that was my, what you may call, alter ego. I have a slight case of skitzophrenia, YOU PEICE OF SCRUB DROPPINGS! I SPIT ON YOU! No, no, Amhog! That would be uncivilized!  
  
WHO CARES? YOU SUCK TOO! ::starts punching herself::  
  
Ds: O.o'''''''  
  
Gohma: ::is in an elaborate battle with herself, somehow::  
  
Ds: I never thought I'd say this, but SHEIK THE SUPER-GUY, HELP!!!!!  
  
Sheik the Super-Guy appears  
  
Sheik: What do you need, fair citizen?  
  
Ds: ::points at Gohma, who is now pulling her own hair, kicking, and punching herself:: KILL!!!!!!!  
  
Sheik: This is no monster! It is….::pulls off costume, revealing two men:: TWO MEN WEARING A COSTUME!!!!  
  
Guy #1: I daresay, companion of mine, that was quite uneducated!  
  
Guy #2: YEAH? WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE, SISSY?  
  
Guy #1: I thought I was saying it to your head front, my good man!  
  
Guy #2: What'd you say?  
  
Ds: O.o'''''''''  
  
  
  
Yeah…okay…that was REALLY random, wadn't it….Well, next week is King Dodongo, and expect it to suck unless you give me ideas pleez! 


	15. chapter 15King Dodongo!

Yeah, I'm back, whatcha gonna do about it huh? Huh punk? You wanna make summthin of it? Uh….never mind……  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my computer of non-recyclable cans and two cardboard boxes. So there.  
  
And-a now, what you've all not been waiting for…  
  
*****Zelda Interviews, The Show!*****  
  
And here's your host, the stereotypical, the unoriginal…DEKUSTAR!!!  
  
Ds: I must be worshipped!  
  
Everyone in audience: No you shouldn't.  
  
Ds: HA!! GOT YOU TO PROVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO THE SHOW!!!  
  
Everyone in audience: CURSES!!!!  
  
Director: O.o''''  
  
Ds: Okay, who do we have today?  
  
King Dodongo: Like, me, man! Live on! Like, wow, dude! Look at all the pretty colors!  
  
Ds: Oh goddesses no, not a hippie…YOU ALL DIED WITH THE SIXTIES!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A LAWYER NOW!!!  
  
King Dodongo: Like, no way dude! Lawyers are all like, uptight, and like, kill stuff…  
  
Ds: O.o No they don't!  
  
King Dodongo: Like, whatever dude…or should I say dudette? You're like, all uptight, try some goodness of the leaf…  
  
Ds: YOU HAVE DRUGS?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
King Dodongo: Like, no way man! Drugs are for, like, losers! I'm talking about the sweetness of like, Maple Leaves! Maple leaves are just the thing to eat…::holds out a handful of maple leaves::  
  
Ds: O.o How did you do your scene as a hippie?!? You were trying to kill Link! If you're so against killing things…  
  
King Dodongo: That was a time way before I like, knew my path in life as a preserver of like, nature!  
  
Ds: They filmed your part in the fifties?!?!  
  
King Dodongo: No way, man! Like, 5 years ago!  
  
Ds: O.o How did you become a hippie in the nineties?!?!?  
  
King Dodongo: Like, there is no like, nineties or like,. fifties, it's always the present…like, whoa, how is that like, possible?  
  
Ds: Oh goddesses…next week is the amoebae thing…it's probably a lawyer for all I know…  
  
King Dodongo: No way, man! That amoebae is like, my best friend! He wouldn't be like, a lawyer dude! He's like, cool!  
  
Ds: Oh goddesses, another hippie!  
  
King Dodongo: No way man, he's like, different!  
  
Ds: I don't want to know…  
  
  
  
I know that was short and not really my best, but tough potatoes. Please review!!! 


	16. chapter 16Amorphus!

YO YO YO!!! What's shakin'? ………never mind……I'm on a HUGE sugar rush! I got to taste test two different kinds of fudgesicles in Health, so I'm like…whoa, Sugar Rush!!!! So I decided to write some mar! YEE HEE HEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: NADA!!!!! NUNCHA!!! NOTHING!!!!! NUTTIN!!!!! ZIP!!!!! ZIPPO!!!!! Do I make myself clear?  
  
And-a now, Ladies and Gents, Welcome your host…  
  
Some random guy: NO!!!  
  
DEKUSTAR!!!!!!  
  
Ds: Thank you, thank you, now you can all go away.  
  
Audience: Okay.  
  
Ds: FOOLS!!! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!!!!  
  
Audience: Aw, phooey.  
  
Ds: All right, we have Amorphus (A/N: Is that right?) the Amoebae?  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Okay, you know what we have to do, right?  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: I can ask you some questions, then?  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Okay. Are you really friends with King Dodongo, aka the huge hippie?  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Wow, that guy has friends.  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: …………………you're a monkey.  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: ………………..and you're wearing black stockings…  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: ………………….AND YOU LOVE RED PEPPERS!!!!!  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Okay, whoever you are, I know you're just some sort of fill-in for Amorphus.  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Okay, so typically when I say that, the real Amorphus reveals himself.  
  
Amorphus: Oh. ::takes off Amorphus costume, revealing a monkey wearing black stockings and eating red peppers::  
  
Ds: O.o  
  
Monkey: Bye.  
  
Real Amorphus comes in  
  
Amorphus: Aw man, you found me out!  
  
Ds: O.O  
  
Amorphus: I'm gonna go ask King Dodongo if I can crash with him awhile until you interview Bongo-Bongo so we can all go to the Jimmy Buffet's concert.  
  
Ds: Wow! You like Jimmy Buffet?  
  
Amorphus: Yeah! You do too?  
  
Ds: No. Just go away.  
  
Amorphus: You're no fun…  
  
  
  
That was…..weird….and definitely not my best. Well, review anyway pleez. 


	17. chapter 17Bongo Bongo!

Hi! I'm back, obviously. Hope ya like this chapter! And, yes, I do know that I'm going out of order. What's the name of the dude in Lord Jabu Jabu? I'll do him next if ya tell me! Please r+r!  
  
Disclaimer: I O U a disclaimer.  
  
And-a now, gals and ghouls, here's what you've all been hating…  
  
*****ZELDA INTERVIEWS, THE SHOW!!!*****  
  
And here's you host, Dekustar!  
  
Dekustar: Thank you, thank you! I'm here till Thursday!  
  
Some random guy: You mean, you're leaving Thursday?  
  
Ds: No, I was lying!  
  
Some random guy: Awww….  
  
Ds: Aight homies, we gots like the totally radical Bongo-Bongo!  
  
Director: Umm, why are you talking like that?  
  
Ds: ………………………….CURSE YOU, YOU FOUND ME OUT!!!!! ::takes of Dekustar costume and turns into Bongo Bongo::  
  
Real Dekustar: Why were you pretending to be me?  
  
Bongo Bongo: I'll never tell you!  
  
Ds: Then we'll just have to remove your gum drop buttons until you do!  
  
Bongo Bongo: NO!!! NOT MY GUM DROP BUTTONS!!!!  
  
Ds: Then tell me!  
  
Bongo Bongo: All right, I'll tell you…do you know…the muffin man?  
  
Ds: The muffin man?  
  
Bongo Bongo: The muffin man…  
  
Ds: Yes, I know the muffin man…who lives on Drury Lane?  
  
Bongo Bongo: Well, she's married to the muffin man.  
  
Ds: The muffin man?  
  
Bongo Bongo: The muffin man!  
  
Director: You know, Dekustar, we're already up to our necks in copy right laws…  
  
Ds: Oops…  
  
Bongo Bongo: Bleh heh heh! Now who's the toughest temple boss, huh Phantom Ganon?  
  
Phantom Ganon: You're still not tough when you're fighting, wimp!  
  
Bongo Bongo: I'm still way tougher then you!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Are not!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Am too!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Are not!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Am too!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Are not!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Am too!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Are not!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Am too!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Are too!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Am not…D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Director: Copy right laws, people!  
  
Ds: Aw, pbth!  
  
Director: Did you just give me a raspberry?  
  
Ds: No, not yet! ::Gives Director a big red raspberry (fruit)::  
  
Director: MMmm, yummy!  
  
Ds: Okay, time to restore the VERY little order around here. Phantom Ganon, go away, you're next week. Bongo Bongo, go away, I don't like you, and yes, you are embarrasingly easy to beat.  
  
Bongo Bongo: You lie!  
  
Ds: Course I do. Director, please do the closing thingy, I desperately need to go home and get high on something.  
  
Director: Stay tuned, those of you who might still be reading possibly, next week is Phantom Ganon! Please review! 


	18. chapter 18Phantom Ganon!

Hi! Back! Dis is gonna be kinda messed up, it's like 10:45 pm right now, so I'm sleep deprived AS WELL AS PSYCHO!!! BLEH HEH HEH!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own EVERYTHING!!! BWA HA HA!!! ::guys in white lab coats drag me away:: aw, man! I just escaped!  
  
And-a now, Licks and Goobers, here's the next episode of…  
  
*****Zelda Interviews, The Show!!!*****  
  
And here's your host, Dekustar!  
  
Ds: Hey! Sup, ya'll?  
  
Audience: THE SKY!!!  
  
Ds: It is? Wow! Who do we have today, Director person dude?  
  
Director: Phantom Ganon.  
  
Ds: Uh…isn't he just gonna be like the real Ganondorf? ::ominous lightening and thunder:: Why does that keep happening?  
  
Director: Well, I'm not sure if we can deal with another fairy…  
  
Navi (from somewhere in the distance): Hey!  
  
Ds: Um…why isn't he here?  
  
Director: …  
  
Ds: This is very very bad…we don't have someone to interview! Wait, that isn't bad, I can go home now!  
  
Phantom Ganon: Sorry I'm late!  
  
Ds: DOH!  
  
P.G.: Do you have some questions for me?  
  
Ds: All right, fine, I'll interview you! What exactly are you?  
  
P.G.: A demon of the dark world, why?  
  
Ds: O.o Why did you work for Ganondorf?  
  
P.G.: Well, he summoned me.  
  
Ds: Why do you have the same names?  
  
P.G.: Um….I don't know?  
  
Ds: Yes you do…  
  
P.G.: CURSE YOU!! Because…HE'S MY FATHER!  
  
Ds: What?  
  
P.G.: Nah, I'm just kidding. Because he name sounded so cool I changed mine to match his.  
  
Ds: What was your name before?  
  
P.G.: Orange Monkey Butt.  
  
Ds: …  
  
P.G.: My parents weren't that creative.  
  
Ds: YOU had parents?  
  
P.G.: Uh huh. Judy and Mark. Horrible names.  
  
Ds: …  
  
P.G.: My brother John thinks that their names are cool, but what can you expect from someone named John?  
  
Ds: You are totally and utterly insane.  
  
P.G.: My dad says that was what he said to Mom when he found out about me.  
  
Ds: What are you talking about?  
  
P.G.: Well, Mom kept me in the basement for most of my life, without telling Dad. Then when he found out, he told Mom that she was totally and utterly insane.  
  
Ds: For keeping you hidden?  
  
P.G.: For keeping me alive.  
  
Ds:…  
  
  
  
Now, THAT was a bad chapter. Review anyway, though. 


	19. Chapter 19Twinrova!

Wow, it's been a while since I did anything with this fic.oh well, what're you gonna do about, huh? huh, punk?!?!  
  
Disclaimer: MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
And-a now, the show that doesn't know the meaning of the word "canceled,"  
  
****Zelda Interviews, The Show!!****  
  
And here's your host, Dekustar!!  
  
Audience: ::loud boos::  
  
Ds: Shove it.  
  
Some random old lady in the audience: Well, I never!!  
  
Ds: All righty, coolly cool directory person dude thingy?  
  
Director: Never call me that again.  
  
Ds: Call you what?  
  
Director: Coolly cool directory person dude thingy.  
  
Ds: Okies, I promise not to call you coolly cool directory person dude thingy, coolly cool directory person dude thingy.  
  
Director: Good. Today you're interviewing the Twinrova.  
  
Ds: The who what where when why and sometimes how?  
  
Director: You know, Ganondorf's mothers, Koume and Kotake, the sister witch thingies?  
  
Ds: .ya lost me.  
  
Director: You know, they gave you all that money to start the show because at the time you were a naïve idealistic young moron but now you curse them forever and ever because they knew it would become a torture?  
  
Ds: Ooooh yeah, them! I hate them.uh.::whispers:: name!  
  
Director: Sigh, Twinrova!!!  
  
Ds: I knew that! So.where are they?  
  
Director: .  
  
Koume and Kotake come flying in  
  
Koume: Prepare for trouble!  
  
Kotake: And make it double!  
  
Koume: To protect the world from devastation!  
  
Kotake: To unite all peoples within our nation!  
  
Koume: To denounce the evils of truth and love!  
  
Kotake: To extend our reach to the stars above!  
  
Koume: Kotake!  
  
Kotake: Koume-wait, dude, that's not right.  
  
Koume: Oops-Koume!  
  
Kotake: Kotake!  
  
Koume: Twinrova blast off at the speed of light!  
  
Kotake: Surrender now or prepare to fight!  
  
Epona: Meowth, dat's right!  
  
Everyone: ::stares at Epona::  
  
Epona: What? I'm the closest thing they could find to a meowth! ::walks offstage::  
  
Ds: You know, we're gonna get the pants sued off of us.  
  
Koume: Oh, quite whining.  
  
Kotake: We had to deal with copyrights in our day!  
  
Koume: No we didn't.  
  
Kotake: That's not important.  
  
Ds: Are you guys going to bicker all evening? Cuz if you are, I'm gonna get some coffee or something.  
  
Epona: ::comes back onstage::  
  
Ds: ::sigh:: Now what?  
  
Epona: Interview me too!!!  
  
Ds: No! You're a freaking horse! This fic doesn't make sense as it is!!!  
  
Epona: Grr.::walks back offstage::  
  
Koume: Do you remember us, girly?  
  
Kotake: Ha ha!! We doomed you to be the interviewer for all these evil and annoying people!  
  
Ds: None of them are as bad as you.  
  
Koume: ::blushes:: Aw, shucks.  
  
Kotake: ::also blushing:: We do our best.  
  
Ds: O.o  
  
Epona: ::walks back onstage::  
  
Ds: NO! I WON'T INTERVIEW YOU!!!  
  
Epona: Aw, nuts. ::walks back offstage::  
  
Koume: All right, so interview us!  
  
Kotake: Yeah!  
  
Ds: Um.how are you Ganondorf's mother.s?  
  
Koume: One of us is secretly a guy!  
  
Kotake: But we switch every day.  
  
Koume: So the guessing never stops!  
  
Ds: But if someone found out which one was the guy that day, wouldn't they know that the other one was the guy the next day?  
  
Koume: Nope!  
  
Kotake: You give people's intelligence level WAAAAAY too much credit.  
  
Ds: .  
  
Epona: ::comes back onstage::  
  
Ds: NO!!!  
  
Epona: I didn't even say anything yet!  
  
Ds: All right, fine.  
  
Epona: Can you inter-  
  
Ds: NO!!!  
  
Epona: Phooey. ::walks back offstage::  
  
Ds: Why won't security stop her?  
  
Koume: We blasted 'em.  
  
Kotake: They thought we were giant bags of tapioca pudding.  
  
Ds: You know, I've made that same mistake myself.  
  
Koume: ::gets evil look::  
  
Kotake: What's wrong?  
  
Koume: ::smack::  
  
Kotake: Oh! ::gets evil look::  
  
Epona: ::comes back onstage:: Dekustar! I'll get rid of them if you interview me next chapter!  
  
Ds: Ugh, fine! We don't have anyone lined up anyway.  
  
Epona: ::whispers something to the Twinrova::  
  
Koume: AH!! ::flies away::  
  
Kotake: ::does the same::  
  
Ds: Wow, whadja tell them?  
  
Epona: ::wink:: Save the questions for the interview! ::goes offstage::  
  
Ds: Grr.oh well, stay tuned, next chapter is Epona, the talking.horse.  
  
Epona: ::from offstage:: Darn tootin'!  
  
Um.please.r+r?  
  
~Dekustar the Mad Author 


	20. Chapter 20Epona?

I haven't written on this recently, BUT GUESS WHAT!!! I'M ON THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER!!! AND YOU WEIRDOS STILL LIKE IT!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??? Er.I should probably be grateful actually.uh, just ignore that and go down and click on the nice button that says Go when your on the review thingy because they changed it and they really shouldn't have cuz now it's more confuzzling.  
  
Disclaimer: IT.IS.THE.TWENTIETH.CHAPTER.SO.GO.TEACH.YOUR.GRANDMOTHER.TO.SUCK.EGGS.IF.YOU .STILL.THINK.I.OWN.ZELDA!!!  
  
And-a now, the show that really should have been stopped when people didn't mind,  
  
****ZELDA INTERVIEWS!!!****  
  
And here's your host, Dekustar! Er.wait.hey! You changed your screen name to Dekustar the Mad Author!!  
  
Ds: So? Just call me Dekustar like ya normally do. Or your majesty the ruler of the world, either way is good.  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Ds: What? Well anyway, we have today ::shudder:: Epona the talking horse.  
  
Epona walks onstage  
  
Ds: So.hi Poners.I CAN call you Poners, can't I?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Eppy?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Pona me E?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Shirley?  
  
Epona: N-Yes!!!  
  
Ds: O.o  
  
Epona: So, got any questions mista interview lady?  
  
Ds: Don't call me that and I won't call you Poners.  
  
Epona: Deal.  
  
Ds: All right, first question, what did you tell the Twinrova that got rid of them so quickly?  
  
Epona: I told them there was a huge clearance sale at Wal Mart.  
  
Ds: You told them- what??  
  
Epona: Hey, everyone in Hyrule has a secret obsession with Wal Mart!  
  
Ds: Then why don't you have one???  
  
Epona: Princess Zelda isn't Hylian.  
  
Ds: WHAT???  
  
Epona: She's a Moblin!  
  
Ds: .  
  
Epona: Yeah, Hyrule doesn't really make any sense.  
  
Ds: Well, neither does anywhere else.  
  
Epona: Very true.  
  
Ds: So anyway, aren't you scared that you'll get copyrighted by Mr. Ed?  
  
Epona: Not while I'm dating him!  
  
Ds: O.O  
  
Epona: You humans make the weirdest faces.  
  
Ds: At least we have faces.  
  
Epona: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Ds: Nothing.horse face.  
  
Epona: So? I'M A HORSE!!!  
  
Ds: Don't remind me.  
  
Epona: What's so bad about interviewing a horse?  
  
Ds: You just answered your own question! I'm interviewing a horse!! Our ratings are low enough as it is!!  
  
Epona: That's why you need me, to be a camera man.  
  
Ds: What?  
  
Epona: You have low ratings because you have no camera men and no one is filming this so no one can see it!!!  
  
Ds: Oh dude, look at that.  
  
Epona: So, whaddya say?  
  
Ds: About what?  
  
Epona: Can I be your camera man?  
  
Ds: First of all, you're female, it's camera woman, second of all, that wouldn't work either because you're a freaking horse, it'd be camera mare, third of all, NO!!! IT'S BAD ENOUGH I'M INTERVIEWING YOU!!!  
  
Epona: You're too negative.  
  
Ds: I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE NEGATIVE!! DON'T TRY TO STOP ME, I HAVE SUPER MAGICAL AUTHOR POWERS!!!  
  
Director: Not on the show.  
  
Ds: Dammit!  
  
Epona: Come on, please???  
  
Ds: NO!!  
  
Epona: Come on, I have training for working a camera.  
  
Ds: Where did you get training???  
  
Epona: Comp USA.  
  
Ds: WTF???  
  
Epona: Hey, it's a cool store!!!  
  
Ds: All right, FINE!! You're the camera man.woman.mare.WHATEVER!! As long as you go away RIGHT NOW SO I CAN GO HOME AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!!  
  
Epona: Cool! Thanks, bye!  
  
Okay, as long as you review, I'll.um.not beat you with raw spinnach. 


	21. Chapter 2121ST EPISODE SPECIAL!

If I don't be more quick about updating more often, I wouldn't have to start every Author's Note with "Wow, I haven't updated this in a while!". But then again, if politicians were more honest, we wouldn't have to have them. No, I don't understand that either.  
  
Disclaimer: Bite me.  
  
*****Zelda Interviews, the Show!*****  
  
You see Dekustar sitting in a chair, reading a big book. It doesn't matter what the book is, or that it has no title, no writing, and it's upside down. The camera zooms in on her and she looks up, smiling.  
  
Ds: Hello, viewers! Now that we actually have a camera m-er, mare-we can now tell you you've missed nearly all these shows and we're on the 21st Show Special. ::faint applause is heard:: Now, for today, we are not, in fact, going to have an interviewee. We are going to share our favorite moments with you.  
  
Some random member of the audience: Aw, crap!  
  
Ds: ::dirty look at s.r.m.o.t.a.:: Now, starting from Episode One, Week One, with Link, the Hero of Time.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds:.oook. Next. How do you feel about Ganondorf, King of Evil?  
  
Link: he makes good brownies.  
  
Ds: huh??  
  
Link: I said he makes good brownies. Want one? *pulls out an unidentified brown piece of something from his pocket*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: O.o ::shakes head:: Um, yes, an interesting beginning to what turned into an.er.interesting.show. Let's go on to Episode Two, Week Two, with Ganondorf, the King of Evil ::o.l.a.t.:: What the heck is doing that?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: This our last question. Some people have been calling you, Ganondorf *o.l.a.t.* a fairy. What are your comments on that?  
  
G-dorf: Why would they be calling me a fairy? As a species, they are small and pink, where I am big and not pink.  
  
Ds: Do you know what I'm talking about?  
  
G-dorf: Not really, unless you're talking about what you might be. Hmm, your last cameraman is kind of cute. By the way, when do we start filming?  
  
Ds:.........  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: As far as we know, Ganondorf and our third cameraman are on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Let's quickly move on to the next episode, Episode Three, Week Three, Malon the Ranch Girl.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Er, quite. Next question. What do you think of Ganondorf, the evil king of darkness *o.l.a.t.*?  
  
Malon: Who?  
  
Ds: The evil guy who almost took over your ranch? He captured Princess Zelda? He's evil?  
  
Malon: Ohhh, him. Yea I know him. Him and me play poker every other weekend. Hey-he still owes me 50 rupees. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go collect my dues. *walks offstage rolling up sleeves.*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Not quite the charming young lady we were expecting, but still good for a larf. Anyway, let's move on, Episode Four, Week Four, Princess Zelda.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Now, Zelda, may I ask you a few questions?  
  
Zelda: Before you do, may I read something from the book of goddesses?  
  
Ds: Fine. Whatever. I don't care what my ratings are.  
  
Zelda: good. *takes out enormous book from somewhere*  
  
Ds: no, wait, I was being sarcastic-  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: ::starting to look uncomfortable:: Um.who knew she was so devoted to the Goddesses? Er, next one.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Yeah..well, what do you like to do with your free time?  
  
Nabooru: I like to watch Barney!!!!!!! *starts dancing around singing songs from Barney*  
  
Ds: Oh no...  
  
Nabooru: I also like to practice my abc's! *starts singing the abc song*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Dear goddesses.it was this bad? How are we going to get through 20 weeks worth? Er-::sees camera is on:: Um.I mean.next week!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ruto: Link? Link who? Do I even know a Link?  
  
Ds: What? You're obsessed with the guy! You either are or were engaged to him!!!!  
  
Ruto: I get engaged to a lot of people, but I'm not gay!  
  
Ds: WHAT?????  
  
Ruto: I wouldn't go out with another guy!  
  
Ds: You're a guy?!?!?!?!?  
  
Ruto: Well, yeah! I have been all my life!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Yes, the zoras are very strange, aren't they?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Um..right..okay..how about, how come you have a son with no mention of a wife?  
  
Darunia: I have a wife. We got married in Las Vegas. Now there was a drunken mistake! You see, I was at a star trek convention, and I saw the prettiest Zora you ever did see..  
  
Ds: Your wife was a Zora????  
  
Darunia: I'm not there yet! Well, I realized I was hitting on a water fountain since I'd had a bit too much Romulin Ale, and then I fell in when my wife to be pulled me out from drowning.  
  
Ds: What a...romantic..story.  
  
Darunia: Isn't it? That reminds me of another star trek episode....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Okay, the gorons aren't any better.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tatl: Eew! These taste like wax!  
  
Navi: Let's throw them at the audience!  
  
Tael + Tatl: YEAH!!!!  
  
Ds: SHUT UP ALL THREE OF YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!  
  
*all three ignore Dekustar*  
  
Navi: Yeah! I got that old lady right in the eye!  
  
Tatl: I got that old man right between the eyes!  
  
Tael: I hit a doggy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: I'm starting to realize why no one watches this show, even with a camera mare.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Saria: *looks at watch* Oh no, I'm late!  
  
Ds: For what?  
  
Saria: My devil-worshipping cult meeting! Bye, nice meeting you! *runs out*  
  
Ds: O.O  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Actually, the people at the cult aren't that bad, once you get to know them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rauru: Do you have any more food?  
  
Ds: No, sorry. But can I ask you some questions?  
  
Rauru: All right, but if I don't get food soon I'll get cranky.  
  
Ds: It's only until the show is over, or the audience walks out, which shouldn't take long.  
  
Rauru: All right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: .I don't even remember that part.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Impa: How are you doing?  
  
Ds: Uh.fine.thanks.  
  
Impa: I vent through a lot of trouble to get here. I hope eet ees vorth my trip?  
  
Ds: We'll try to make your stay here comfortable sir.I mean ma'am.  
  
Impa: Zat ees quite all right. Many people make that meestake for some reason.  
  
Ds: I can't imagine why.please sit down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Stupid cranky old bat. ::sees camera:: I mean.stupid cranky old bat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Skullkid: OKAY, NEXT QUESTION.  
  
Ds: Okay.what would you say if I said that you were more liked then Link by some people?  
  
Skullkid: I'M MORE LIKED THEN LINK? HA! TOLD YOU, FAIRY!!! ::runs up to a camera:: DID YOU HEAR ME, LINK??? I'M MORE POPULAR THEN YOU!!!! KISS MY *bleep* YOU *bleep*-ING *bleep bleep bleeeeep*  
  
Ds: Uh, security.  
  
Big guys come up and drag Skullkid away  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Okay, THAT was funny.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Uh.what do you do with your spare time?  
  
Sheik: I fight crime and the forces of evil!  
  
Ds: What would you say if I said you need a life more then my slippers do?  
  
Sheik: What? Your slippers are in peril? I must go rescue your slippers from perilous peril of the perilous perily edge of peril it's perilous self!  
  
Ds: ........  
  
Sheik: Sheik the Super-guy, away!!!  
  
Ds:.........  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: The worst part is, my bunny slippers WERE in peril.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gohma: YOU SHOULD EAT MONKIES AND DIE HORRIBLY YOU BLEEPING BLEEP!  
  
Ds: Now I'm scared, and how come you actually said bleep instead of making us sensor what you say?  
  
Gohma: Pardon me, that was my, what you may call, alter ego. I have a slight case of skitzophrenia, YOU PEICE OF SCRUB DROPPINGS! I SPIT ON YOU! No, no, Amhog! That would be uncivilized! WHO CARES? YOU SUCK TOO! ::starts punching herself::  
  
Ds: O.o'''''''  
  
Gohma: ::is in an elaborate battle with herself, somehow::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: You know, now I can see why Link has an arachnophobia.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Oh goddesses no, not a hippie.YOU ALL DIED WITH THE SIXTIES!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A LAWYER NOW!!!  
  
King Dodongo: Like, no way dude! Lawyers are all like, uptight, and like, kill stuff.  
  
Ds: O.o No they don't!  
  
King Dodongo: Like, whatever dude.or should I say dudette? You're like, all uptight, try some goodness of the leaf.  
  
Ds: YOU HAVE DRUGS?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
King Dodongo: Like, no way man! Drugs are for, like, losers! I'm talking about the sweetness of like, Maple Leaves! Maple leaves are just the thing to eat.::holds out a handful of maple leaves::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Actually, they aren't that bad.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Okay, whoever you are, I know you're just some sort of fill-in for Amorphus.  
  
Amorphus: Yup.  
  
Ds: Okay, so typically when I say that, the real Amorphus reveals himself.  
  
Amorphus: Oh. ::takes off Amorphus costume, revealing a monkey wearing black stockings and eating red peppers::  
  
Ds: O.o  
  
Monkey: Bye.  
  
Real Amorphus comes in  
  
Amorphus: Aw man, you found me out!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: At least the monkey had good taste.I mean, he was eating red peppers!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: ...........CURSE YOU, YOU FOUND ME OUT!!!!! ::takes of Dekustar costume and turns into Bongo Bongo::  
  
Real Dekustar: Why were you pretending to be me?  
  
Bongo Bongo: I'll never tell you!  
  
Ds: Then we'll just have to remove your gum drop buttons until you do!  
  
Bongo Bongo: NO!!! NOT MY GUM DROP BUTTONS!!!!  
  
Ds: Then tell me!  
  
Bongo Bongo: All right, I'll tell you.do you know.the muffin man?  
  
Ds: The muffin man?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Ah, good times.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: What was your name before?  
  
P.G.: Orange Monkey Butt.  
  
Ds: .  
  
P.G.: My parents weren't that creative.  
  
Ds: YOU had parents?  
  
P.G.: Uh huh. Judy and Mark. Horrible names.  
  
Ds: .  
  
P.G.: My brother John thinks that their names are cool, but what can you expect from someone named John?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: I can't believe I went on a date with that guy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Koume and Kotake come flying in  
  
Koume: Prepare for trouble!  
  
Kotake: And make it double!  
  
Koume: To protect the world from devastation!  
  
Kotake: To unite all peoples within our nation!  
  
Koume: To denounce the evils of truth and love!  
  
Kotake: To extend our reach to the stars above!  
  
Koume: Kotake!  
  
Kotake: Koume-wait, dude, that's not right.  
  
Koume: Oops-Koume!  
  
Kotake: Kotake!  
  
Koume: Twinrova blast off at the speed of light!  
  
Kotake: Surrender now or prepare to fight!  
  
Epona: Meowth, dat's right!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: Stupid skull spiders.hey, wait! We're almost done!! YES!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: So.hi Poners.I CAN call you Poners, can't I?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Eppy?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Pona me E?  
  
Epona: No.  
  
Ds: Shirley?  
  
Epona: N-Yes!!!  
  
Ds: O.o  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ds: I can't believe we got a camera mare out of that.well anyway, that's our 21st Show Special. I am honestly very sorry for these past 21 episodes of pure crap, but at least it's not my fault-I mean, it was the Fox Network that aired them, right? Well, anyway, never fear, for this is not the last chapter, we have many more to come!! We are planning on interviewing such nonentities as the Poe Shop Guy, Tingle, Romani and Cremia, and many many others. Save yourselves while you can.  
  
  
  
Please r+r!! 


End file.
